


Whatever Could It Be?

by miserablekings



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989), anderperry - Fandom
Genre: #whatifamberwastodd, M/M, this is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-12 22:46:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7952203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miserablekings/pseuds/miserablekings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Amber and Wilson were switched with Todd and Neil. </p><p>Todd's dying from a fatal car accident, Neil's a Doctor. But not ready to let him go just quite yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whatever Could It Be?

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE LISTEN TO : Re:Stacks by Bon Iver if u rlly want to feel something.

This. This wasn’t how the end was supposed to be. Neil had pictured their life going longer than this, the laughter, the hugs, the intimate moments shared. It was supposed to last longer. Not a mere minute. That’s what it felt like.

 

“He’s ready for you.” A nurse said to Neil, he stood outside the glass window watching them pull away equipment.

 

“I- I- Thank you.” Neil responded, his eyes wet and his throat sore.

 

Charlie had come visited him at his office, Neil had cried for hours into his best friend's shoulder. The tears feeling like they would never end. Charlie finally convinced him in the end to go see Todd before he was gone.

 

Gone. What a foreign concept.

 

Neil finally took a step into the white room, he almost laughed to himself with how unbelievable this situation was. Todd was supposed to be in the crowds at his plays, but he became a doctor instead. Todd was supposed to write a poetry book, but he became a school teacher instead. They were were supposed to fly away together, but instead they stuck to what they knew.

 

Neil stood in front of his dying partner, the scrapes from the accident littering the younger man’s skin. Neil let out a short breath, which was when he noticed Todd’s eyes open.

 

“Neil.” Todd sighed, his hand limped to grasp Neil’s.

 

“Hi…” Neil answered, he took Todd’s hand in his own.

 

“How do you feel?” Neil coughed out, Todd smiled up at him.

 

“Pretty good actually.” Todd said, his voice hoarse.

 

Neil nodded, his tears fell onto his cheeks as he looked down. Todd turned his head around, his eyes widened as he took in his surroundings.

 

“Neil…” Todd whispered.

 

Neil just shook his head and got into the bed with Todd, he pressed his lips to Todd’s. Todd pressed his head against Neil’s.

 

“I’m dying aren’t I.” Todd confirmed, Neil nodded his head which was situated into Todd’s neck.

 

“What am I going to do without you?” Neil asked, a sad smile reached out to Todd.

 

“What you always do.” Todd said, “Keeping on. A dead poet’s honor.”

 

“One that you can never fulfill, so why should I.” Neil cried softly, he felt Todd’s tears on his face.

 

“How long do we have?” Todd asked, he changed the subject.

 

“About an hour. Maybe less.” Neil responded, he was tired and Todd felt so warm.

 

“Let’s talk then.” Todd said.

 

Neil nodded, but they lay there in silence for a little bit. Neil thought about Grade 12 when he almost killed himself. He imagined an ending where he had and Todd went on with life, one where he never was in that stupid car, to pick his stupid ass up.

 

“Neil…” Todd finally whispered, Neil looked up at Todd.

 

“Remember when you almost committed..” Todd trailed off.

 

“Uh huh.” Neil muttered, he knew what Todd was talking about.

 

“When Charlie told me that morning, I didn’t want to keep on going. I wanted the snow to take me to a softer place.” Todd continued, Neil started to feel his throat close up again.

 

“I needed to be somewhere where your arms would be, somewhere I could see that smile again, somewhere I couldn’t believe wasn’t real anymore.”

 

“Neil I need you to find that place, but without having to fly upwards. I need you to find it with someone who’s not me, someone who recite poetry about you. I give you permission to find someone who makes you want to soar when they look at you. I give you permission to love while I’m gone.”

 

“Todd.” Neil said weakly.

 

“Neil. I’m tired.” Todd replied.

 

“No.. no, just a little bit longer.” Neil fought, Todd just shook his head.

 

“Why aren’t you angry, Todd.” Neil announced, Todd just cuddled in closer and stroked Neil’s face.

 

“Because loving you is the last emotion I want to feel.” Todd uttered.

 

“Goodnight, Neil.” Todd whispered.

 

“I’ll see you again, I’ll see you when we’re both so alive. When we both have the glow radiating off of us. I’ll see you in my dreams every night forever and always. I’ll love you even when I’m married with a family.” Neil stuttered.

 

“Neil..”

 

“I’ll always remember when I was the first person and the last person you loved. And I’ll always remember who I was with you.”

 

The heart monitor went flat and Todd’s hand finally went limp. Neil sobbed, he leaned his forehead against Todd’s and whispered promises to Todd.

 

But one thing was sure, he will always remember what the world looked like when Todd had painted it around him.

  
  



End file.
